Welcoming the Refugee
Editor’s Note: This interview was originally published by The Gospel Coalition in January 2017. It features a conversation between Imprint’s lead editor, Jen Michel, and Jen McNaughton, a member of the small group of Grace Toronto families that sponsored a Syrian refugee family several years ago.
As Grace Toronto Church prepares to sponsor a new refugee family in 2021, we hope this interview, which gives a glimpse into our first sponsorship experience, can helpfully shape our hopes and expectations for this act of hospitality, by which Jesus says we welcome him.
“I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me,” (Matthew 25:35, 36).
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In December of 2015, a group from Grace Toronto Church gathered with the common desire to help global refugees. Like the rest of the world, they had been horrified by the image of three-year-old Aylan Kurdi, who had washed up on Turkish shores as his family tried to reach Canada. The small group decided to research the process of sponsoring the settlement of a Syrian refugee family in Canada, and after months of waiting (and raising the legally-required $30,000 for resettlement), on June 7, 2016, they got an email that a Syrian mother and father, along with their three children, would be arriving on June 20th.
I talked with Jen McNaughton, one of the lead members of the team, about her experience. The notes from our phone interview have been condensed and lightly edited. This written interview was first published at www.thegospelcoalition.org in January 2017.
How much did you know about the family before arrival?
We knew the children’s ages (8, 7, 4) and had a very brief work history for the parents. The father had been an upholsterer; the mother, a housecleaner. We knew that they were coming from Beirut, where they had been living for a few years after having fled Syria. But apart from this—and knowing that they spoke no English—we really knew very little.
Talk a little about what you did to prepare for their arrival.
It wasn’t easy to plan as we didn’t know for sure when the family would be arriving. But after April 1, when our request for this particular family was officially approved, our team divided up some of the most important and immediate tasks. One sub-group did all of the necessary research to secure affordable housing in Toronto. Another sub-group acted as liaison with World Renew (the organization which facilitated the process of settlement in coordination with Immigration Canada). Others researched cell phone/ Internet plans while still others looked into options for medical and dental care. We had point-people for budget and finance, and of course the entire church (and broader community of friends, family and colleagues) contributed money as well as donations for furnishing their apartment. We waited until the family was on the ground to register for summer ESL classes (for the parents) and day camps (for the children).
One thing I have really tangibly learned from this experience is that God provides. He provides for every detail. So many times, logistically speaking, we were at the end of our resources, and then someone would put up her hand and say, “Yes, I’ll help.” They donated items. They donated their time. They lent their vehicles. They gave their money. They used their connections. The Lord was so faithful.
Describe the day of their arrival to Canada.
The family arrived on June 20th—which was World Refugee Day, incidentally. Three team members and a translator (an Arabic speaker from our church) went to the airport with snacks, bottles of water, stuffed animals, and a printed sign in Arabic that said, “Welcome, K. family.”
Our family was the first to exit the large set of double doors. They were escorted by a woman who read our sign and made introductions. I was surprised because I expected them to be in traditional Islamic clothing, and yet they were dressed like Westerners. We asked them, through the translator, if they were fasting (because it was Ramadan), and we learned that while their cultural background is Islam, they aren’t practicing Muslims.
With only one translator, it was impossible to say everything we wanted to say, so we made a lot of eye contact and did a lot of smiling!
If there was a “honeymoon” in the resettlement process, how long did it last? What was that period of time like?
On their second day in Canada, I went to visit the family and took them on a bus to a park overlooking Lake Ontario. We set up a blanket, and the kids were playing soccer with a little inflatable ball I’d brought along. Suddenly, the ball got kicked into the lake, and the wind carried it away faster than any of us could chase it. Their eight-year-old son, who knew a dozen words in French and a couple of words in English, started to wave at the ball and call after it, “Bye-bye ballon (French for ball).” Without any kind of rehearsal, we all just stood at the beach, pretending as if we were crying, each of us calling out, “Bye-bye ballon.” It was comical, and an immediate kind of bonding beyond language.
Our team definitely felt a bit euphoric after the family’s arrival. They were here. They were safe and in good health. They were opening bank accounts and getting registered for ESL. We taught them the words and motions to “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” Those little victories were really energizing. And the family was (and is) so incredibly hospitable. Every time we visited there was delicious food and coffee. For a while it seemed that we avoided major challenges and life was relatively smooth.
What was that first big challenge?
Right before the family left Lebanon, the mom had opted for a dental procedure. Unfortunately, it wasn’t done well, and infection had set in. In their initial weeks here, she was living with a lot of low-level pain. Finally, after the pain became unbearable, she did mention needing to see a dentist, and by the next day, she was in complete agony. Suddenly, we were facing emergency dental surgery which we didn’t know how we would pay for—because while dental care was an eventual priority, it certainly wasn’t ahead of permanent housing (which we were still trying to secure).
About three months into their settlement, I think reality started to set in for the parents. I suppose I had the unspoken, unconscious expectation that the parents would feel so optimistic about their new life in Canada, so hopeful and grateful for the opportunities for their children. But I soon realized how difficult it was to say permanent goodbyes to everything they had known. I remember one appointment at a governmental office where it was explained to them that their refugee assistance payments would be paused if they left the country within the first six months of their settlement. The father said (through a translator), “Now I live and die in Canada.” I can’t imagine saying that—and not having the means to leave— especially if my family was in Germany, Iraq, Turkey, Syria and Lebanon.
I think it was this loss of “control” that led to some unexpected difficulties in the fall. As I mentioned, we had secured furniture for the apartment the family eventually moved into, but we started to understand that they weren’t happy with some of it. They didn’t like that one of the couches was worn. They didn’t like that one of the cushions had a stain on it. They didn’t like the color. And all of this felt so hurtful, quite honestly, because we had tried so hard to get good quality items to bless them with. And yet, at the same time, I came to understand how this family is just like me: they like beautiful things. They’re hospitable people, and they wanted to have a home to be proud of and invite people into. And truthfully, their home was really the last thing under their control. Just using their voice to say what they would and would not accept (in terms of donations) was like exercising a small but important advocacy for themselves.
What did it look like to work through that period of colliding expectations and hurt feelings?
I work as a communications coach, so I most naturally want to work through conflict by talking, but the language barrier in this case made that kind of direct resolution impossible. Instead, it really was the ministry of presence that restored our relationship. There were conversations about the critical issues (although they certainly didn’t reflect the kind of emotional nuance I usually relied on). Nevertheless, we kept spending time together. For all that I might have felt resentful or defensive about, it started to melt away as we continued eating together, playing together, tackling challenges one at a time. Forgiveness happened—quite apart from words—because relationship building became front and centre again.
This ministry of presence is the long-term investment our team is called to. And quite honestly, it’s not easy. People get busy. Life changes. We have our own family responsibilities to attend to. But as we all sort of collectively understood from the beginning, this work is worthwhile because Jesus has said, “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me. I was hungry, and you fed me. I was sick and you visited me.” This matters to Christ, that we care for the weak and the vulnerable. As Robert, another member of our team, has often said, “We love and forgive because we’ve been loved and forgiven. It’s not any virtue on our part. We’re simply responding.”
What’s ahead for the K. family?
In a couple of months, we will begin transitioning them to what it will look like, after their first full year in Canada, to no longer receive the financial assistance from us that they have been used to. But right now, we’re still very practically involved in the everyday affairs of the family’s life. The father will often text me a picture of mail he’s received, the implied question being: “What is this?” I am the contact person with the children’s school to help the parents interpret various reports and permission forms. Robert is their go-to person for financial questions, and his wife, Marcia, is on-call for children’s health emergencies. Every week there is either another donation to bring over (this week, it was ice skates!) or a maintenance item in the apartment to attend to. And of course, there are always meals and games of hide-and-go-seek with the kids!
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to groups or individuals looking to help resettle refugees? One final word of encouragement?
Two pieces of advice, I guess. First, I would encourage groups to have a spiritual leader or pastor keep in regular contact with the team, praying with them and for them as well as for the family and the settlement process. Also, groups shouldn’t depend on their ability to govern by consensus (which we mistakenly did). If they can choose a leader to delegate responsibilities among team members and make executive decisions when necessary, that’s going to help a lot.
In terms of encouragement, I can simply say that this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I am confident that God has worked everything together to bring this family here to this place at this time, and seeing them blossom is breathtaking to witness. I just saw a video that the father took of him and his son as they first laced up their skates, pushing their plastic chairs for balance on the ice.
They’re doing it! Adopting the language. Learning and growing, despite the challenges. And somehow, we’ve gotten to be a part of that story of flourishing.
Text: Jen Michel