Dear Little One: My Promises in a Precarious World

Dear little one,

You picked quite an eventful year to be born! This year, the world changed in ways we never could have imagined. The world is unrecognizable, defined by uncertainty and unrest. As I sit in my house-bubble watching my pregnant belly grow, I also watch the world outside catch on fire. With COVID. With outrage. With grief. Indoors, the days seem slow and monotonous. Outside, the world is transforming with dizzying speed.

I worry not only for today’s world, but also for tomorrow’s. Your world. I am coming to the realization that I will have to explain this place, in all of its corruption and unfairness, to you. I fear not having the answers. Or being able to keep you safe. As the world struggles to redefine itself, I wonder how I will define the world to you.

How will I tell you stories of my pregnancy during a global health pandemic? One that forces people to halt their travel, business, school, graduations, weddings, proms? How do I explain the mistrust of the government or the drastic measures calling us to self-isolate and to stay away from friends and family? How can I begin to explain the heated online debates erupting as people grapple with hard truths and confusing misinformation?

I can imagine your fear. It will be hard to stand up for your beliefs and your values. To be different. To speak up for what is right. I wish I had solutions for the deep and divisive challenges of today’s world, but I don’t. I also wish I could tell you that this world will become a better place, a safer place, but I can’t know that with any certainty. Yet, what if I told you that you don’t need to rid your life of its uncertainties?

While cleaning the house a few weeks ago, I came across a personal notebook which I kept as a university student. Aside from the to-do lists and study schedules, I also had a page of helpful Bible verses written down. At that time, one significant verse for me was 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” Did you see it? God has power and freedom to give you.

During my university years and the early part of my career, I learned to forgo my natural shyness to do things that scared me. I embarked on a career of speaking in public settings, standing up to authority figures, and staying true to my values. It hasn’t been easy. Yet, I believe God provides the ability to persevere when it would be easier to quit.

You might hear these words many times before you comprehend them. Don’t rush this process. One day, though, I hope you will see that He provides you with the ability to face your challenges despite your fears. Because of our faith, we have freedom from fear.

Little one, I have come to learn that courage does not mean having all the answers. Just like joy or forgiveness, courage is a choice. Sometimes, courage means a willingness to trust God with the unknown. The future is unsure. Your life is a blank page. I cannot know all the challenges and obstacles that you will face, nor can I overcome them for you. So, what can I tell you? I can assure you that I put my faith in a God who promises me that, though this world will always have trouble, I don’t have to be afraid. Nor do you.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have continually prayed for wisdom on how to guide you through this challenging, ever-changing, and often terrifying world. Even when it feels like an unjust and confusing place, please know that you are never alone.

This year my world will change in another way that I never could have imagined. It will be my first year with you.

Text: Monica Mah